Mar 21

The Fifteen Reasons Men Don’t Buy Jewelry for Women

By Calla Gold


Full Disclosure, Jeremy, my husband, added all the “dudes” and all the funny stuff. I’m leaving it in!

I Really Wanted to Know Why the Guy’s Were Shying Away From Buying Jewelry


“I don’t get the whole jewelry thing.”

I don’t know about other parts of the world, but for this Santa Barbara Jeweler, it was a mystery. Why don’t men by jewelry for women?

To be fair, some of you do. I know. I’ve sold it to you—and to some, multiple times. Way to go, Dudes!

Over the years I’ve compiled a mental list of excuses from men for why they don’t buy women jewelry. Want to hear some? Here goes.

Fifteen Reasons Men Don’t Buy Jewelry for Women

  1. “I have no idea what my wife likes.” Dude! Talk to the woman… or talk to her best friend or talk to her Jeweler!
  2. “She never asks for jewelry.” See #1.
  3. “The last time I bought her something she exchanged it for something else.” So you give up that easily? Don’t wimp out, man!
  4. “Jewelry is too expensive.” My son bought his girlfriend a very nice sterling silver necklace for thirty bucks. You don’t have to get her the Hope diamond.
  5. “She complained about how much it cost.” But secretly loved it. Acknowledge her and move on. She’s wearing it isn’t she?
  6. “Jewelry is frivolous. It’s unnecessary.” Something that symbolizes undying love is not frivolous.
  7. “She buys her own jewelry. Why should I?” Because she wants you to, Doofus! It’s a gift; a present. Girls like to be surprised. They dream about being given meaningful gifts from loved ones and telling their friends it’s from you.
  8. “She buys her own clothes. What’s the difference?” See #7
  9. “I always get her something for the home.” I don’t care what she says, the last thing she wants for her anniversary is a toaster. There is nothing tackier than giving the love of your life a toaster or a couch to commemorate your marriage.
  10. “She has a bunch of jewelry she never wears. The last thing she needs is another ring or pair of earrings.” First of all, 80% of the stuff is probably out of date, broken, and can’t be worn. Secondly, a woman can never have too much jewelry. Period. And again, see #7.
  11. “It simply never occurred to me.” Well…now you know!
  12. “I bought her a wedding ring. I’m done. Right?” Not even, Dude!
  13. “I know nothing about jewelry. How do I know I’m not getting ripped off?” Read reviews on the internet; ask co-workers; ask a couple of jewelry lovers; ask your wife! Ask me! Clients refer people to Calla Gold Jewelry all the time.
  14. “I have no idea where to buy jewelry. How do I know I can trust them?” See #13
  15. “Everybody gets jewelry. I want to do something different.” That’s fine. Do something different. I love doing different things! Take her to Hawaii or rafting down the Colorado. Ride bikes across Europe. In the middle of the trip, though…surprise her with a piece jewelry. Now she’ll always be reminded of that something different that you so thoughtfully dreamed up.

Girls, in case your guy happens to fit into one or more of these categories (or one I haven’t mentioned), show him this blog post.

What You Can Do About it
(Guys you can stop reading now, this part is for the ladies)

Let him know you love him and he can actually buy jewelry for you. Hopefully, he’ll take the hint!

Surprisingly Enough Guys Are Not Psychic, Talk to Him

African American Man Giving Red Jewelry Gift Box. Men don't buy jewelry

Girls Love Jewelry Gifts From Their Man!

Occasionally I meet a woman who loves jewelry and her husband just doesn’t get it. I tell her, “show him your jewelry and tell him how much the pieces gifted to you by your parents, friends or whoever, (don’t mention that old boyfriend jewelry) mean to you. Clearly tell him you’d love something special from him because it means more if it comes from him.”

Make it easy for him. Make a jewelry wish list and keep it current. Then, you can tell him that secret agent Calla Gold has the encrypted “loved-jewelry” document under lock and key. All he has to do is call Calla Gold Jewelry Headquarters or your favorite local jeweler and your classified jewelry dreams will be revealed.

After seeing that movie next Sunday, mosey on into a jewelry store you like and show him things you like. Some fellas need a very direct approach to change their habits from buying your fishing tackle to sparkly goodies.

What’s the Takeaway Message Here?

If he’s not giving you jewelry now, change what you’re doing. Stop waiting, stop hinting, just say what you really want. Make it happen.

Your Personal Jeweler,

103 thoughts on “The Fifteen Reasons Men Don’t Buy Jewelry for Women

  1. Hello Calla,
    Great reason. I have a mother in law who my husbands father never buys her one piece of jewelry in 25 years. OMG
    I could not marryy a man like that.
    I took time to educate my husband. Like;when we were looking a diamonds. He knows colors, The 3 Cs.
    I love amythest. He always says to me; you have enought amythest. I say; I could never have enough amythes my dear. He purchased a green amythest. Beautiful Ring. He has the best taste in jewelry. I must say. i TRAINED HIM WELL!!
    I love your 15 list. I do not need diamonds. Just one carot amethyst would look nice. I will wait till our ten year Annv. Maybe if alll our money
    is in order. I would love a 3 stone – Past, present,future ring. He knows what a 3 stone P ring means.
    Love it.
    Thank you for the list. THis is my first time to your web sight.
    I see you have estate jewelry. I am in the mood to change my style. I will check out what you have.
    Thanks again

    • Jacquelin,
      I’d like to validate you on what you did right. You communicated to your husband and let him know what you like in jewelry and you let him know it’s important to you. Well done! You are a shining example. You also talk about what great taste he has in his choices for you. Other women should definitely let their men know how thrilled they are. If a guy is a hero with his jewelry gift for you, he’ll do it again!

  2. I make sure my wife is taken care of. I can see how many men don’t buy their wives the finer things in life, but my wife is well taken care of that’s for sure.

  3. You hit all the biggies Calla! I had a good time reading your post then fondling the white gold bracelet my husband gave me for our 20th anniversary. He’s a keeper!

    • Kymberly, I’m thrilled to hear that your man knows how to remind you that you are loved and celebrated.
      And it sounds like Jeremy knows how to be a good husband too. Way to go!

  4. I think the biggest thing holding men back from buying jewelery is their lack of knowledge of the product as you suggested in #13. That being said I think Calla is doing an excellent job of educating the consumer especially through this Santa Barbara Jewelery blog which is a great resource. Thanks Calla!

  5. Ha, great post Calla! Both funny and true. I think you really hit the nail on the head here and have provided a lot of great information. Good for a guy like me to read!

    • Daniel and Brian, I am so delighted to get your male viewpoint feedback. This was one of those posts that was a long time in coming. I feel like a sociologist with my questions and listening to the attitudes. I think my favorite thing to discover was after asking why men don’t buy, then I’d liken jewelry to tools, cars, and guns and whatnot and say jewelry is like that for women. And a number of guys were like, well jeez why didn’t she just say so? Or I just don’t get why it matters. And I tell them what it symbolizes and they’d be like. Yeah, I guess I’m down with giving a “gift of love.” I just didn’t want to get her jewelry. But a gift of love, well that’s cool, cuz I’m a romantic guy. ~ Calla

  6. Calla, just look at the conversation you’ve ignited here! You really are my blogging hero. I love that people are sharing stories, and that some spouses are chiming in to give you really valuable ‘market research’ – that your markEDing is working wonders!

    • Melissa, I am beyond pleased at the conversation this has stirred up. It’s so exciting and educating for me too. Thank you for your kind words, you really put in perspective how valuable this feedback really is. I’m especially pleased to hear from the guys!

  7. Calla,
    Your website is awesome. This blog post in particular was entertaining AND informative, often hard to make work out, but extremely efficient once it has been. That being said, it has been!
    David the surrogate

    • David, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you worked out what she liked in the jewelry department and successfully procured said item and successfully had it received. I’m betting she was really really pleased! Just guessin’ here!
      Calla the surrogate Mom

  8. I have done all of the above & so far it’s still been 17yr’s since he’s last bought me jewerly, I’ve given up. He has no problem buying anything for himself though. Btw we have been married for 18 yr’s.

    • Toni,
      I’ve had a couple conversations with husbands and they say, “I got her a wedding ring, I’m done.” I beg to differ and diplomatically say so. I liken jewelry for her to tool or guns to him. Sometimes that works.
      Shall I personally send him a copy of “My Husband Never Buys Me Jewelry?”
      Do you have a wish list ready at your favorite Jewelers?
      Calla Gold

  9. I would have to differ with you on number 6. It is absolutely frivolous and unnecessary. Your belief that it “symbolizes undying love” is both shallow and wrong. My wife has a large jewelry stand full of jewelry from old boyfriends, “love” that has long since died. You want a symbol of undying love? Those have to be created from 2 people’s experiences together and renewed daily. Senselessly dropping cash on precious metals and stones that people are dying and being enslaved to dig out of the earth doesn’t create a symbol of undying love. There is truly only one reason to buy jewelry and it is the only reason I do it. Because it makes my wife happy and I like making her happy. The rest of it is just rationalization of dropping money frivolously on an unnecessary item.

    • Gary,
      Thank you sharing your viewpoint. I hope you realize I’d be drummed out of the corps of Jewelers the world over if I didn’t think that a jewelry gift symbolized undying love. And I’m a huge romantic. So I’ll stand by #6, but I am happy to have the opposing viewpoint on it from you. I do see your point.
      Gary I love that you buy your wife jewelry and it makes her happy. You sound like a great husband and a Philosopher too.
      Calla Gold

  10. I picked out the ring, gave him the number, told him exactly where in the jewelery store, even told him id buy it for myself if he didnt buy it for me. he bought me a lawn chair… does that mean he wants to piss me off???

    • Steph,
      You totally led that horse to water. Dang, I guess he just can’t get over his “practical lovin’ gift giving from hell” side of himself.
      If you lived in my town, we’d pick the perfect jewelry gift for you, charge it to his credit card, put it in a pretty box and have you take it to him.
      Then hand it to him and say, “Hand this to me babe.”
      He does, you open it up and ooh and ahh, and hug and kiss him and thank him for such a great gift. Make a big fuss. Make him a hero. Maybe he’ll get the clue.
      If not, at least you got it from him! In your own way!!
      Calla Gold

  11. Steuer,
    I’m glad you enjoyed the enjoyed the 15 reasons Why Men Don’t Buy Jewelry for Women. I’m guessing you are not among the guys who looked at this and said, “Oh goody more excuses I can use to dodge buying jewelry for my gal.” Seriously, I deleted a comment from a guy who said that.
    I’ll be happy to email you.
    Your Personal Jeweler,

  12. Why should I buy her something? She wants fine things? She can start working (no wonder i’ll never get married). Yes I’m a selfish, self-absorbed prick and I love every single bit of it.
    Ahhh yes… jewelry… I have some. I work so damn hard for it. She wants a ring, well she better work… after all, I never heard of girls “giving” me jewelry for a present.
    She wants a fine jewelry, she better start getting me some and she’ll get finer things in return.

      • Hes actually giving a logical argument. It’s called equality. Have some it’s great. 🙂 If a women wants to be treated equal then a man should be treated the same.

        • Hi John,
          I don’t give my husband jewelry as that isn’t what he wants, but he does enjoy getting gifts from me that are thoughtful, that show that I spent time thinking about what he wants, or noting hints he dropped at something he’d like.
          I love spoiling him. One Christmas I gave his a gigantic Boos cutting board. He liked getting it as a gift rather than just going and getting it. Another time I spoiled him with an awesome heat distributing skillet that he uses all the time. Again I gave him his version of jewelry.
          It’s about thoughtfulness. I’m trying to tell guys if you don’t like jewelry that’s not the point. Do you like your wife? Girlfriend? etc? You are showing love, affection and regard. Not stating how much YOU love jewelry.
          I’m all for equality, but I’m also all for romance and memorable gifts that remind us of thoughtful gestures of love.
          Your Personal Jeweler,

  13. Funny, sort of. My hubby used to buy me jewelry. He loved romantic surprises. Over the past 5 years he has changed. I get electronics. For our tenth anniversary, I told him something romantic would make me happy. I told him when he asked that the last thing I wanted was anything related to electronics and especially Not a camera.

    Guess what I got? A camera.
    So my decision is to take some outdated jewelry and have it redesigned .
    That is my gift to myself.

    • Nancy,
      I’m sorry to hear your man isn’t hearing ‘romantic gift.” I know how that is. One year I got a vacuum, no joke. I really needed one, but still. I told him I was giving him a pass this year because he’s a student and we’re scraping it, but no more gifts for ‘us’ or the house and calling it for me.
      Another year I got this enormous coat from LL Bean in a funky mustard color. The arms went about six inches below my hands. I felt like I should channel my inner Alaskan hunter in this thing. Not a winning gift.
      But not to just sing his mistakes, I’ve gotten cool stuff too. (And a camera! Ha!)
      He could easily tell you of the gift I gave him I’ll never live down. We were young and poor and I found this dirty enamel teapot/kettle at a yard sale. I know enamel cleans up. So I bought it and used oven cleaner and it looked like new. I swished water around inside it to make sure it was fresh.
      So he opened it and was like, “hey I could use this. Thanks babe.” Then he went to fill it up with water in bright light and when he looked inside it was all rusted. OOoops!
      Hoping You Get a Romantic Gift Sometime,
      Calla Gold

  14. Calla,
    I’m not the opposite end of the spectrum. I LOVE gadgets. I’m not moved by jewelry. Every now and then I’ll see a piece that I like, but my tastes fluctuate greatly and beyond my wedding ring, I don’t really desire expensive jewelry. I am THRILLED to receive however, the latest kitchen gadget or electronic. Things that I see and want, but never want to spend money on. Those are the things on my wishlist and so those are the things I want to unwrap. Still, no matter how many hints and/or requests I drop, I inevitably receive a ring or a necklace for EVERY holiday. I asked for a Mac Book Pro for my 10th anniversary and instead received a gold necklace of equal value. I would never return it because of what it symbolizes, but before I opened it he literally said, “I know it’s not what you would have wanted, but it’s what I wanted you to have.”
    On one hand I think that is super-sweet…on another, I think it’s extremely selfish, considering that I got him the thing he’s been wanting for years: an expensive flamenco guitar. He would have been so upset if I have him a watch or a ring instead because it’s what I wanted him to have. I’m rambling, but it’s been really bothering me and your list made me realize that women are EXPECTED to like jewelery because jewelers and other women often tell me that jewelry is the ultimate gift.
    Gadget not jewelry lovin’ gal

    • Lisa B.
      You crack me up. And I’m sorry that your man isn’t listening. I have one quote for him…
      When you like someone give them something you like, (it shares you with them)
      When you love someone give them something they love (even if it does nothing for them. It shows your regard for them and their interests)
      Thanks for sharing Lisa. I like gadgets too, but I need my bling!

  15. This just so cracked me up. I have friends who’s husband’s don’t get them jewelry and it’s a bit painful. My honey gives me jewelry and I love each piece. It has memories and the feel of love.
    I’m happy my man isn’t that guy!

    • Hi Tracey,
      I’m so pleased that your guy is such a good guy! I’m pleased to have amused you with the fifteen reasons men don’t buy jewelry for women.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  16. I simply don’t understand how some people think jewelry can buy love. It is just and invention of capitalism. Poor ignorants who consider jewelry as something worthy.

    • Hello Raul,
      I’m saddened that you see this as some sort of capitalist plot to fleece the masses or something. I work hard so I can reach my goals in life.
      Celebrating my family, my marriage and people I love is a reward to me. I am thankful that I can buy a jewelry gift here and there to remind someone I love of a special moment, like graduation or a special birthday. Flowers will wilt, but that special pair of earrings will say I love you to someone special to me for years to come.
      My husband didn’t buy me an engagement ring to buy my love but to celebrate that he chose me and we’re going to have a great life together. I love him and I love my ring from him.
      Calla Gold

  17. How can I let a guy know that I would love jewelry? A guy I’ve been dating for a few months…

    • Hi Julia,
      The next time you break a piece of jewelry, have him go with you into your favorite jewelry store, hopefully one where you have a special person who works there who knows you and has a write up of your favorite things.
      Go there when he or she is at the store and ready for you. They can be conversational with him and ask for his contact info. They’ll already know your birthday. While you’re there chatting and having fun, try on a few pairs of earrings and maybe a bracelet.
      Let him know how much fun you’re having and how you love jewelry. Then have his new jewelry store friend follow up and suggest he come in without you to see some pieces you have admired.
      Good luck Julia!
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  18. So my fiancé even drew me a photo of a necklace he gave his ex wife when they were married. But why not give me jewelry? I’ve hinted that I would love some. But nothing.

    • Wow Lisa, that’s kind of rough. Maybe he needs a totally totally for sure for sure hint. Like “I really love this…” and don’t say necklace, “pair of earrings” or something. Give him a picture in his email, tell him what store it is at. Tell him how romantic a gift of jewelry is and how it’ll remind you of him whenever you wear it.
      Good luck!
      Calla Gold

  19. Oops I never returned!! Thank you so much for your reply and your suggestions! I like that idea, especially saying how I would thik of him whenever I would wear something–that’s really the point. I can buy jewelry for myself anytime my budget allows, but it’s the giving/receiving of something beautiful and personal…..hopefully this will help him to “get” that. Thanks a bunch 🙂

    • Dear Lisa,
      I’m so pleased you came back. I’m very happy you liked that way of explaining it to him! I hope he gets it.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  20. If a MAN won’t buy his cherished woman jewelry for every birthday, christmas, valentine’s day (big one!!!), sweetest day and the OTHER HOLIDAYS! then she needs to dump him and find a forever husband who can give her WHAT SHE DESERVES! A real man would let his wife TRAIN HIM to give her whatEVER she needs!!!

    • Dear Susanne,
      Dang it!!! I missed the memo and there are too many years of water under the bridge. Not that he doesn’t get me jewelry, just once in a while so I’m surprised and it feels special.
      I think I’ll keep him!
      Thanks for writing Susanne!
      Your Personal Jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  21. When my gf and I were dating around 6 months, I wanted to start getting her jewelry, starting small which were earrings (huggings I think they call them). She mentioned not too flashy. She told me the dimensions of the earrings and I got them for her. She said she loved them and only wore them once because they were too big. The cheap ones she bought herself were perfect as she claims. She can’t sleep with the ones I got her because they poke her when she tries to sleep. She would only wear them when we go out (but never did). She told me not to buy her jewelry (she had her own necklace she loved and would never get rid of), no bracelets, rings (unless engagement ring of course). She even said that she doesn’t like getting flowers. I don’t remember the reason why she said these things years ago, but I would assume a bad experience. She did mention today that she discovered that she was insecure about herself. Her mother’s boyfriend gave her identical hugging earrings for my gf as a gift and apparently my gf loves them. I didn’t know she got them from her mothers boyfriend until she has shown me. It breaks my heart after 5 years dating this woman that she all of a sudden loves the jewelry another man gets her? Even if the relationship isn’t sexual, another man (that isn’t me) gets her a gift without her knowing and just gets it right that she loves it. She tells me they are just earrings but I wanted to get her earrings, necklace, bracelet, etc. I should mention that she did get a pandora bracelet at one out of our relationship and I started to buy charms for it on special occasions. But eventually stopped wearing that as well. It’s hard for me to get passed the fact that she accepts a gift from another man that had no prior knowledge of her apparent non jewelry obsession. But nails this one gift for her that I couldn’t nail. Her necklace recently broke and wants a new one and is shopping for the one that she likes so I can purchase it for her, however, the fact remains that I want to get her hugging earrings that she likes so can wear them as well so they match the necklace.

    I’m sorry for writing so much but I must ask, am I being selfish, did I react the right way? Some of the points you make in your article may reflect some ways I was thinking years ago but she is quite blunt in her opinions so I toon what she said to heart.

    Last thing I want to mention, I started to randomly get her flowers maybe a year or so into our relationship and loves when I surprise her with flowers apparently.. So why does she say that doesn’t like when people buy jewelry for her. Yes she’s picky but from her own spouse?

    • Dear Steven,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’ll start off by telling you that I think the earrings your GF is interested in are called “huggie” earrings. They are a hoop style with the hinge at the base of the earring. The post actually locks into the hinging half of the earring. Many women find they can sleep in these earrings because there is no post to dig into the head behind the ear. The post is contained inside the earring.
      There is a picture of a huggie type earring in this blog post:
      Possibly your GF said not to buy her jewelry because she is particular about the weight and dimensions of the earrings she wears. Often a heavy earring will sit unworn in a person’s jewelry box because though it looks right it feels too heavy and hurts to wear for too long. If she didn’t want to hurt your feelings and is super picky it’s easier to say don’t buy me jewelry than to say, “what I really want is this exact thing that looks like what you got but is different from what you got and I don’t want to seem difficult so let’s just not go there.
      If that is the case then shop with her at a jewelry store where she can either try on the earrings or is they don’t let her that allows returns or exchanges.
      I know it sounds dumb that you maybe can’t try something on but can return it it is often the case.
      Now I don’t know your GF and perhaps I’m way off base on why she said “don’t buy her jewelry.” Possibly if you told her you’d like to buy her some earrings or a necklace and would like her input because you’d like to give her something beautiful and personal that would please you to see her in, she might respond to that.
      Regarding the dynamic with her mom’s BF, I don’t know what that is about. Perhaps a father figure thing? If so I’d not mention your hurt feelings on that, because if there is some family dynamic going on there that is irrational, being all logical about it will only make you out to be the bad guy. I wouldn’t go there. But that’s me.
      The flowers thing is interesting. Let me share how I am about flowers. If I get flowers on Valentines day or as an “I love you” surprise I really love it. But if my husband does it too often it takes the specialness out of it. And just to be weird and real here, I like someone else to notice that the flowers are dying and toss them. If I throw them away it makes me a little sad. If they magically vanish that’s better for me.
      Anyway the thing I’m really hearing is that your feelings are hurt about her loving the mom’s BF gift earrings and not wearing yours. It is probably the most on your mind thing about buying jewelry for your GF. I got it and it sucks. But she really probably would not do well if you try to work out what happened there with her. It could make her feel defensive. Especially about her feelings for your mom’s BF. Is there someone else you could talk to about it? Someone who won’t stir the pot, but ask you to think of some solutions? In other words a good listener who will help you get beyond this hurtful moment and moving on?
      I really thank you for writing. I like hearing your story Steven. Hopefully this helped.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

      • I can understand stevens sentiment with his GF. Men have feeling too. I just can not fathom her insensitivity to receiving a gift from her loved one. If she received earring as a gift from her boyfriend and deep down, she did not like the style or weight of the earrings. Then she should suggest visiting the store with the boyfriend and earrings and shop together for a pair of earring she would prefer and exchange them. This would help the boyfriend understand her taste in jewlry.
        My issue is a bit similar. I bought the love of my life a nice gold ring with a inset row of diamond baggets. She loved the ring at the time. A few years later, a bagget diamond fell out and was lost. She took it off a put it in a drawer for many years. It was never repaired. This was not a cheap ring. I had fallen on some financial hardship preventing myself to having the ring repaired. On the other hand, she had a monetary windfall, expressed repairing the ring, then said it was too expensive to replace the diamond. It was a small diamond, She elected to remove all the diamonds, sell the gold ring and some gold earrings i had also gifted to her, and purchase a pair of gold earrings and have the diamonds set into the earrings. To ad insult to injury, if i ask her about the gold ring she says its in the drawer when i know its not. If i ask to see it she comes up with excuses why she can not find it. Is this the kinda person who should be showered with jewelry?

        • Dear Martin,
          When I wrote this, clearly I had no idea of the stories I would hear. And your story is a sad one. Clearly you are the kind of guy who does buy jewelry for your girlfriend. That is laudable. Men absolutely have feelings. One time my husband gave me a ring and the gift made me very happy, but its style just did not go with my lifestyle. After six months I asked if he’d be OK with me exchanging it for another ring. I could tell he was a little bummed that I didn’t love the style. It was hard to stand up and say this isn’t working.
          Once I had the new ring, it just morphed into his gift to me and he really liked it.
          He later said, “babe, if I give you something and you need to change it, that’s OK.” I loved that he knew that had been hard for me to say it. It wasn’t a rejection of him, just my unique taste and comfort level.
          I wish you the best of luck. Try shopping with her at a jewelry store and seeing what she loves the most. Sometimes surprises are not as good as choosing together. You are still giving her the gift, she just had a say in which style she received.
          Some of us girls are picky about jewelry. We don’t love you any less if you give us white gold when we love yellow gold, but we might have to exchange to yellow gold.
          Thank you for your story.
          Your Personal Jeweler,

  22. I love jewelry but never want a man to get me any. Purely the reason being that if we break up, I don’t want a reminder. On the other hand, I am happy to receive jewelry as gifts from girlfriends. Some of my lady friends have given me some really lovely pieces. Now those I can cherish for a lifetime! And of course, I buy for myself! 😉

    • Dear Grumpy,
      That is an interesting comment. One of the services I have provided over the years is the redesigning of old boyfriend jewelry and re-setting of old was-band wedding diamonds. The result is always great as the diamonds, gems and gold have been changed and can now be worn with no funky memories attached.
      Many loving men wish to show their love with a gift that only you can appreciate. At the time it is given it is loving. I say let him shower you with jewelry gifts.
      If he’s not the one, change them up. Know that you were cherished and move on.
      That’s my take on it,
      Calla Gold

  23. “many loving men wish to….”

    Yeah, right. Loving men would rather their love be returned without a bribe. You’d let a man “shower you with jewelry” (i.e. waste money on shiny metal and sparkly rocks) while still reserving the right to kick him to the curb later on? How unbelievably selfish and greedy of you. I bet you think you deserve it, don’t you? To be treated with awe and reverence? Well, you don’t. Nobody does. You’re not a goddess, you’re a narcissist. Women like you are one of the main reasons why men are thinking twice about marriage these days.
    That’s a man’s take on it.

    • Hello One,
      I’ve got to say when I decided to check my blog for comments this evening I wasn’t expecting to discover I’m a narcissist. Dang! Such a buzz kill. I thought that my husband got me jewelry now and then to make me feel special and loved. Well, we’ve been together 36 years. I love him tons and he’ll get no curb kicking from me. Just hugs, help, love, laughs and good team work.
      I feel that you may not have had a truly loving relationship where you loved the person so much you wanted to give them something special many times.
      Sometimes I give him something expensive and sometimes he gets a scavenger hunt with friends following to a silly gift. It’s all about being creative and showing love. I happen as do many women to appreciate a jewelry gift. Every time I wear the jewelry my husband gives me it gives me a rush of pleasure as it reminds me of his love.
      Many loving and giving and deserving women out there would love a special just for them gift of jewelry.
      I’m thinking I’m barking up the wrong tree with you, but perhaps not. Only time will tell. Buy her some jewelry!
      Romantic Jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  24. What about if I have been direct that I would like a piece of jewelry and have still never received one? We’ve gotten married, bought a house, have to, now almost 3 children. he says he wants to wait for the right time, but when is that?! I have even showed him what I like, and examples of things I would wear, all simple, inexpensive and well within our budget

    • Hi Brittany,
      Would your mother in law or father in law chat with him and fill him in that jewelry means a lot to women and is a personal and special gesture that is an important one. Perhaps he missed the memo when growing up.
      It seems that you two have done important things together and jewelry would seem to be a very good idea as a gift.
      My husband gave me a vacuum for my birthday one year. I was really hurt. I was a martyr about it and thanked him for the practical gift. Then I wrote down what I really thought of receiving that as a gift. I considered that a need of the house and not me personally. To celebrate my birthday should be something personal that makes me smile. He got it and he’s much better with the birthday gifts.
      I hope that you can get through to him in some way.
      I know that a logical and practical gift can be what a practical and logical person gives. Sometimes the practical guy doesn’t realize that what’s perfectly logical to him falls flat upon receipt. I’ve repeated this quote before and I’ll do it here, “when you like someone give them something YOU like. When you love someone give them something THEY like.” Sometimes husbands don’t get that their taste in not the needed thing, but your taste, in a great gift.
      Giving a gift to someone you love is not about your priorities, but theirs. Good luck!
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  25. I ‘LOVE’ Jewellery! That love started back in ’74 after receiving an 8mm cultured pink pearl ring set in sterling silver. I was just sweet 16 and my BF was sweet 19. We’re no longer together but, yes… I still have [and love] that ring and yes… I do think of him whenever I wear/clean my jewellery. Oh man, I remember exactly what happened; like it was… yesterday! I’ve been quite blessed over the years with wonderful, generous BF’s that gave me a lot of really nice jewellery.
    I feel [and don’t get me wrong] that while receiving nice jewellery is wonderful; I for one don’t believe one should ‘wait’ for the man. A long time ago I got it into my head that if ‘I’ wanted a piece of jewellery ‘I’ can [and will] get it myself! Less hinting, asking, begging, telling, nagging, demanding, stress, what-have-you. It’s gotten to a point now that I appreciate the gift of $$$ instead! That way I pick what I like and there’s no hurt feelings if I return something etc. My BF and I also go together to buy jewellery for me too. 🙂
    Here’s the unique thing about me. The jewellery pieces I picked-out with his $$$ gift has the ‘SAME EFFECT’ on me as if my BF had gone and got it himself! It makes me smile and I think of him whenever I wear those particular pieces of jewellery. To ME, it was ‘his’ hard earned $$$ that helped get something beautiful for me [even though I picked it out myself]. See? I’m happy, and he’s happy I’m happy!
    I know this may not work for other couples, but, it works for us. All I was trying to say to my sisters out there was: If you can accept [and afford] getting the jewellery items for yourself…Do It! You don’t have to ‘wait’ for him to make you happy. Make YOURSELF happy! I mean after all, would you really want the jewellery pieces if it was bought for you only after 100 hints or demands? I’m sure you know he may not be buying it for you with such ‘loving feelings’ if he feels it’s forced upon him. For me, gifts like that don’t have a very positive vibe. I hope I’m making some sense. Sometimes I say things in a very round about way.
    A lot [no all] of men are fairly clueless when it comes to this business of gifts with bling. Yes, I do agree that they have to be trained to some degree. But, you can only train if they are receptive to it, right?
    So, good luck to all my sisters out there! I just wanted you all to be happy and have less stress about this… M.

    • Dear Mayo,
      I love your story and your attitude. I think you are very right, that if you go shopping together and he buys you a chosen piece of jewelry that it works just as well to remind you of him.
      You explained yourself and your opinion wonderfully.
      I think your sisters out there will appreciate what you have said.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  26. My husband is totally guilty of this! I wish he would buy me jewelry, but alas…

    • How sad that this is happening. Can you print out my blog and put it under his plate when next you serve him a lovely meal?
      I wouldn’t be able to do this as my wonderful husband does all the cooking. So maybe that’s a crappy idea.
      Your Personal Full of Hmmm Ideas Jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  27. Fine and all Calla what you wrote. For me, my husband has bought me jewlry in the past for which I am grateful. Because of health reasons, we both don’t think much about jewlry right now. I can say this though for which I am very thandful: He gives me alot of attention and has been faithful to me; these last two things that I mentioned mean more to me than any piece of jewelry. However, I will mention to him if and when I do see a piece of jewlry that I truly like and want. I once read that we should encourage our husband to spend money on us; I believe this but, we should also spend money on them as well. Thanks for your article. Jewlry is a nice way of showing anyone that you care and love them.

    • Hi Nancy,
      Thank you for sharing that you husband is faithful and gives you a lot of attention. He sounds like he’s really into loving you. That is just awesome.
      Each piece of jewelry my husband has given me or planned (ie, said, “hey babe can you design yourself a really cool 25th wedding anniversary ring? Then give it to me and forget about it so I can give you a ring you’ll love?” Me, “on it!”) I love completely. Every time I put on that 25th anniversary ring, which is a lot I think of him. He’s funny, loving, fun and my best friend. I wouldn’t love him less if he didn’t give me jewelry, but the fact that he does just surrounds me with symbols of his love and makes me smile more, and feel boosts of love happiness at the oddest times.
      I guess I’m saying I like to have both.
      And as far as he goes, I love to get him things. We recently got him a kick ass mountain bike, following up the getting of a great road bike. We love biking and his bikes were getting dated. He’s into athletic toys, I’m into jewelry. But for the record I’m up gettin dusty on my mountain bike regularly with him.
      There are so many ways to say I love you.
      Thank you for sharing yours.
      Your Personal Jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  28. I’m sorry but I don’t agree with #3. I am not very sentimental and my partner doesn’t like most jewelry. But when he bought me jewelry, he hinted that he’d like something too. So I put in the effort to research what he’d like, even took him to my store! I work in jewelry. The only thing he really likes are men’s wedding rings since they are simple and not flashy. But since we aren’t married, though we are committed, I felt that would be an inappropriate gift. So I bought him a masculine emerald pendant since emeralds symbolize unconditional, eternal love and strengthen bonds. I figured even if it isn’t his taste that he’d love the meaning enough to love it. I was wrong and although he was gracious when declining, it still broke my heart. Since the gift was from my heart it felt like a rejection of my love. So now I don’t want to buy him jewelry ever again. Just because it’s a guy buying it for a girl doesn’t mean it isn’t truly heartfelt. And if a woman won’t accept even an ugly piece of jewelry and wear it sometimes then she doesn’t deserve the jewelry period. Esp if it was a first time gift. (you teach them later what you DO legitimately like)

    So men, if she wants to return it, let her. And let that be the last time she’ll need to return jewelry.

    • Dear Norman,
      I’m sorry your fella didn’t like what you chose for him. Know he was in no way rejecting you or your sentiment. I’m sure he didn’t realize how much he hurt your feelings. Jewelry is a lovely gift, but if someone hasn’t worn it, it can be difficult to figure out what would be comfortable for them.
      I would not condemn someone for not wanting a particular piece of jewelry. I’d communicate and maybe together custom design something that he is comfortable with. He may need to be part of the process.
      If a woman wants to return a piece of jewelry and exchange it for something else don’t condemn her. I was that girl. My fella once got me white gold and I’m a yellow gold girl. I exchanged my gift for a yellow gold one. I thanked him profusely for his gift of something so personal. I said I wanted to wear his gift with my other jewelry which is all yellow gold.
      He got over it and has given me other yellow gold jewelry. I’m grateful not to have been having to wear something that didn’t work for me because his feelings would be too delicate to take it.
      I didn’t want to come off as a spoiled little princess, but I didn’t want to spend a life receiving gifts that weren’t right for me and never having the courage to say it. He said he wanted me to have things I want and would like wearing. He’s crazy brave, he once impulse bought me a dress because the manikin looked like me. I am a picky person. I liked the dress. I warned him against rolling that dice twice. He took a big win on surprising me. No one was more surprised than I that I liked it.
      I guess I’m saying don’t condemn someone because they don’t connect with your gift. It’s not you they aren’t comfortable with. That’s why jewelry stores offer exchange, they realize that it can be difficult to predict the perfect jewelry gift.
      Thank you for writing Norman.
      May your next jewelry gift to him be a big smiley success.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  29. My x husband, when we were planning on getting married, bought himself an expensive man’s diamond ring and never bought me an engagement ring. He said it was an investment and he kept it in his bank safe deposit box. I was very hurt, but like a dumb idiot, I married him anyway. We’ve been divorced for 18 years now and he probably still has that stupid ring. Who cares if he does or doesn’t. I think this is the worst engagement ring story ever! And yes it’s a very true story!

    • Hello Jane,
      Thank you for sharing your worst engagement ring story ever. That is a doozy. I’m pleased that you are no longer with that man. The sad thing is that an engagement ring isn’t just a gesture of love, but a symbol to the world that you two are joined. That he was so ungenerous and not caring what the world thought makes me think that marching to his own drummer was a sad place for you as well.
      Thank you for sharing your tale. May your current love life be much happier!
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  30. I’ve noticed that if a man buys a piece of jewelery for his woman that shows he values her. But if she’s always asking for more and more jewelery, it says the woman’s attitude is an extravagant one.
    I have a few pieces of jewelery I value a lot. One of those pieces is from my partner who surprised me with it.
    A few pieces is enough for me, I won’t waste my money anymore getting more jewelery. Too much jewelery also shows a distraction from the person itself.

    • Hi Michele,
      Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I agree that someone constantly grasping for jewelry would be off-putting. Occasional jewelry gifts keeps it special and meaningful in my book.
      Your Personal Jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  31. I feel like jewelry is stupid. It serves no functional purpose. It is a waste of money. I feel like any woman who wants jewelry is dumb. “Ohh look i got shinny stuff!”

    • Hi Sean,
      A wise man once said, “If you like someone, share something you like with them. If you love someone, share something they love with them.” If you had been my boyfriend and been only into practicality and no art, spontaneous generous gestures or impractical moves of goofiness, we probably wouldn’t have made it far. I’m a generous person by nature and spend money on stupid funny gifts at times. I celebrate the emotion and laughs as valuable and memorable.
      All practicality and no spontaneousness a sad me would make.
      I have met an unfortunate number of women whose men never give them a personal gift and no jewelry. They are very sad about it. They said it would make them feel valued and special. One woman said, “he’s a good man, a good provider and very practical and wouldn’t ever go have an affair.” It was said with a stoic face. I know that even thought she knows he loves her, she’d like to hear it. She’s like a pretty and sparkly symbol of his regard.
      I think it’s important to once in a while give a symbol of love and regard to your wife or girlfriend.
      I’m not a monk, I have not forsworn possessions, nor am I a Puritan who is anti-frippery. I am a woman who wants to feel loved and to have a husband who appreciates my occasional impractical gifts of whimsy as well as the practical things I know he wants. I love him and want him to have favorite things around him that remind him that he means the world to me. And not every favorite thing is practical.
      I am sorry that you feel the way you do.
      Calla Gold

  32. I can love my wife and buy her things without feeling like some de-evolved ape and buying her shiny rocks dug out of the ground.

    I love art. Im a musician. But jewlry is over priced shiny garbage that has no actual value. You take a 1000 dollar dimond ring to a pawn shop and they might give you the cost of the gold. If it has no resale value other than the raw materials used in the construction then it has no actual value.

    You are equating giving shiny rocks to someone with loving them. Stop feeding into the BS.

    Ill buy my wife 1000’s of dollars in computers, guitars, electronics, art, whatever she wants. But luckily my wife also feels like jewlry is a waste of money and sought only by the uneducated in life.

    • Hello again Sean,
      I see that you feel so strongly about your opinion that you choose to put words in my mouth. I’m not clear how buying a gift for your wife to show you cherish her that happens to be jewelry makes you a devolved ape. My husband is not a devolved ape. Or at least the last time I looked at him when I kissed him goodbye before meeting a couple I am designing engagement rings for this morning, he looked human. And he made me laugh with a funny comment. That doesn’t seem too devolved to me. But enough about your claims of devolving apeness to guys who buy thoughtful jewelry gifts for their lady loves.
      If you and your loving wife prefer musical instruments, electronics and art that is fine. That would be giving her a gift that she loved and it fits in my philosophy of giving someone something THEY love even if you don’t.
      The subject of selling jewelry at a pawn shop can be a sore one. Pawn shops are at times places of great sadness. Someone needs to borrow money and they use their jewelry as collateral. For a certain time period they can come back and repay the loan with interest and get their jewelry back.
      Many pawn business owners are not experts at jewelry and give very low-ball offers so they will not be hurt if they must keep the piece of jewelry after the loan time frame is past.
      I know many clients who have sold jewelry to estate dealers who give more any day than a pawn shop would. Others use Craig’s List to find someone looking for their taste in jewelry or eBay. Any of these options can give more than a pawn shop. Sometimes jewelers will buy jewelry and generally they give more than a pawn shop would give.
      But let’s compare jewelry with a car. You buy a new car, ding it up and wear it out over fifteen years. It goes maybe a bit out of style. You enjoyed it, it took you on two hundred thousand miles of trips and pleasure. Are you irate that it didn’t hold it’s value? That $30,000 car is now worth $1800.00. Are you commenting on their website about the loss in value? I doubt it.
      Rings are not just the intrinsic value of gold and diamonds, there is design time, creativity, labor, special finishing and other details about it that taking it apart to recycle the gold will not recover.
      Many women feel that beautiful jewelry is art that they can wear.
      Does it take hours and hours to craft a beautiful song? A haunting melody? It took ages when I wrote songs as a teenager. Just like a musician makes magic out of sounds, jewelry designers elevate gemstones with settings that make them wearable.
      I personally do not feel that jewelry is a waste of money. Nor do I think there is anything wrong with loving gemstones. It is fortunate that since you not only do not value these things, but seem to characterize people who do as subhuman, that your lovely wife is not hurt by your strong disinclination to buy her a jewelry gift.
      Thank you for sharing your opinion. I defend your right to your opinion even if I do not subscribe to it.
      I do wish you and your wife a long, happy marriage filled with music.
      Music loving jeweler,
      Calla Gold

  33. Of course you don’t think there is something wrong with admiring gem stones.

    Diamonds and a lot of gem stones are mostly mined from africa. The deaths and rapes of millions of women and children are being financially supported by people buying diamonds.

    And for what end? It is a a shiny rock dug out of the ground. Why not simply use Man Made gemstones and less rare metals.

    I seriously doubt the vast majority of women (or men) buy jewelry based on its “artistic value” and prize gold and gem stones simply because they are expensive. Wouldn’t a much more practical gift be something like “Hey i donated 6000 dollars in your name to a charity to help feed starving kids”. But no. They want a 6000$ shiny rock someone dug out of the ground and polished and glued to a soft metal thats only real use is in electronic products.

    • Hi Sean,
      Boy I struggle about letting this comment stand. I don’t like to censor my commenters, but you are really pushin it here dude. It is untrue that most gemstones are mined in the African continent. For example Montana mines beautiful sapphires, the San Diego area is home to amazing tourmalines, there are diamonds in America, in fact there is a park where you can dig for diamonds yourself, then there is the Ekati mine, diamonds in Canada. And it’s not the only diamond mine in Canada, then there’s the hugely successful diamond mine in Australia, the Argyle mine which is the source of some of the most prized red and pink diamonds on the planet, there are diamond mines in Russia and I could go on for pages about all the gems found in South America. There are book written about all the gemstone mines just in America.
      You also generalize that if it’s from Africa that it is the source of pain. Of course that is what gets focused on. There are so many mines that have been around for a very long time that are welcome and a source of stability for regions they are in. There is the Kymberley Process where world wide governments agree on steps to take to isolate non-compliant sources of diamonds and to track ethical sources from mine head to the cutting floor.
      I know I’ll never change your mind about buying jewelry for your girlfriend or wife. I won’t try to do so. Nor will I censor your incorrect information. But I will state where I’m coming from.
      I’ve given and received all kinds of wonderful gifts including donations in my name to worthy causes. But I have also received jewelry gifts from my husband. Nothing gives me more pleasure than putting on a piece that he gave me. I feel loved. I already know I am loved, so it’s not that I need the piece of jewelry to convince myself. It’s just a happy reminder.
      Calla Gold

  34. I got a beautiful traditional Indian emerald necklace and earrings interlaced with gold for this girl after doing lot of research and hunting around jewellery shops… and she’s so happy! It has floral pattern/floral motif and its just a stunning piece of art. I am so glad i bought her fine jewellery instead of fashion jewellery or costume jewellery. The beauty of natural gemstones and gold is unparalleled and its also an investment because it never loses its value with time

    • Dear Drona,
      Hearing your wonderful story and how happy your girlfriend is with your gift makes me very happy. You are a wonderful example of a man who does buy his girl jewelry and the happiness it brings.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  35. While every person is different and there is no blanket answer for every situation. Perhaps he feels that Jewelry is impractical.

    I have been in the situation where I just can’t think of something to buy for my S.O and jewelry seems like a default solution more than a thoughtful gift.

    Personally, if I had a $1000 budget for an anniversary or a special occasion, I would prefer spend that money on a trip/vacation for the two of us. When I’m on my death bed, I would rather have precious memories than material possessions.

    • Hello Ty,
      I have run into many men telling me that jewelry isn’t practical and a savings bond or a couch is. I’m not saying that every birthday and Valentines Day you bring out the jewelry gifts, what I do feel is that the occasional jewelry gift means so much and is a real “I love you” gift.
      I believe you can have precious memories and symbols of love. I think both are important. I had a client who was “given” a skiing vacation for her birthday.
      She spent the better part of a day packing and getting the kids ready. Her husband invited some friends to join them on “her” gift trip. She spent four hours in an excruciatingly slow line getting poles and skiis for her kids and the couple’s two kids due to sickness among the staff and a severe understaffing. The kids were cranky and impatient. She finally got on the slopes and couldn’t find her husband and the friends. The kids got hungry and no one answered their phones so she got off the slopes and fed them.
      At dinner her husband said, “pretty great birthday right babe?” She said it was all she could do not to burst into tears. She felt pretty uncared for.
      I’m not saying don’t give travel for a gift, but if you do be sure that she gets pampered and isn’t feeling like an indentured servant.
      I’m not suggesting that a trip gift from you would be as hard on your spouse as the “gift” for my client was. Sometimes a gift that is just for her shows that you appreciate her, love her and want her to have a beautiful symbol of that to wear. And looking at it and remembering who gave it to her and why can be such an uplifting experience.
      It may sound incredibly goofy or pathetic or not, but sometimes when I am down or upset with my husband I’ll go to my jewelry box and put on something he gave me in love and go take a walk. It helps. It helps because I’m reminded that I am loved. And that is a healing thought to hold. It helps me get out of my funk.
      And when I am happy and wearing jewelry he gave me, it adds to my overall good feelings.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  36. Calla, I’ve recently been glued to your website and facebook page. I’m educating myself as my sweet husband and I are shopping for a ring to celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary. (It was in October). The info you give is so straight forward, helpful and meaningful. But I digress! I’m commenting on this thread because I’m so impressed with the thoughtful, creative and warm responses you give to even the most contentious comments. As a dear and wise friend tells me when I do a good job “Go on with your bad self”

  37. Dear Valarie,
    Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. I’m so delighted that you have been spending time and enjoying my blog.
    I appreciate your wise friend’s quote and that you put me under that umbrella.
    I will continue to kindly respond to my detractors. It is nice that they visit my blog and feel passionate enough to take the time to comment. If you are curious to see the ne plus ultra of rude comments, check out my “Don’t Buy Tungsten or Titanium Wedding Bands” blog post. Positively flaming in places.
    Thanks for your nice words.
    Your Personal Jeweler,

  38. I love your list, and the fact that you seem to respond to every comment! I just wish you could add suggestions for those of us that have a boyfriend or husband whom we actually have told, repeatedly, that we like and want jewelry, but they refuse for whatever reason. I have even gone so far as to show which pieces I like, and point out how inexpensive they are. He just comes up with a wide range of reasons for no until I just give up. I won’t lie, it hurts. Yes, I have bought my own, but like you said in your list – that’s not the point.

    I just had to vent that anonymously to someone who might understand…

    • Dear Jennifer,
      It is painful. I just had to listen to my brother in law talk about how much he hates diamonds. He has all these ideas why diamonds are so awful. They are not based on fact. But he is my brother and I’m there to visit with him and enjoy my family and not debate him when he is just stuck on it. I love him so I just change the subject after he has ragged on my favorite gemstone until he’s satisfied. Just like I let him rant about some long gone rude driver.
      Anyway back to your situation. I feel that you and I understand the idea, “if you like someone get them something you like, if you love someone get them something THEY love.” But there are people who “know best,” their opinions about something aren’t really open for debate and they are proud of their positions.
      It leaves us out of the equation. They are just closed for business on that subject.
      That said once in a while a situation comes up where you’re a real hero and your husband says so and perhaps suggests that you deserve recognition, or an award or something special. That is the time to say there is something very specific that I want. And bam you get it.
      Then again there are plenty of women in my jewelry practice who chose their own very special gift, wrap it themselves and tell their husband, “see this package? Please sign this card. It’s your gift to me for my birthday and you’ll be my hero. We’ll just leave it up here until then.”
      They show it to me the next time I see them. I say, “Oh my god that is gorgeous where did you ever get it?”
      They say, “my husband gave it to me for my birthday!”
      I say, “wow, what a guy.”
      We smile.
      I get it. We get it. Maybe one day he’ll get it.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  39. I am so glad I stumbled across your blog! I’ve been with my man for over 2 1/2 years. We are both in our 40s, divorced, professional people. We have kids, work hard, etc. He’s very generous to me and my daughter. We go to concerts, shows, out for wonderful dinners. He does buy me nice gifts. I’ve gotten jewelry from him but not the kind I’ve been hoping for. I did finally tell him I wanted something sparkly for the holidays or my birthday. So, he did. It’s a very pretty Swarovski crystal double bracelet. I actually love it but am disappointed that he didn’t pick up that I wanted diamonds!! I feel that we’ve been in a committed relationship long enough and it’s time for the real thing. He’s quite successful so it can’t be a money thing. He tells me he loves more than anything and wants to be with me for the long haul. So, I can’t figure this out and am getting so disappointed. Any thoughts??

    • Hi Susan,
      Sometime when he is in a good mood, when you’re out on a hike and life is good maybe ask him, “can I talk to you about something important to me?” Then let him know how much it would mean if you worn a piece of diamond jewelry that he gave you. Offer to show him what you like and then leave it up to him to choose from your suggestions. If he gets one right at that moment have it wrapped up and save it until the next birthday anniversary etc and open it then and wear it with joy.
      I designed my own ring that I wanted with my husband Jeremy’s blessing. When all done I gave it to him to present to me with a card on our anniversary.
      If he is flat out incapable of doing this let me know and I’ll up the ideas.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  40. I love getting diamond as gifts and ladies you got to give your man a hint or just tell him you want a diamond. If you are in a long loving and lasting relationship than you deserve nice things.

    • Hi Linda,
      Thank you for your classy contribution to the conversation.
      I had asked for a particular gem ring as a hint. Then I gave a bit of detail. He got the gem part right but ignored the important detail so that I kind of needed to do a bit of a re-design to make it work.
      I got brave one night and asked him if he had heard me and why he had ignored my details. He remembered the first part of the request and felt that he must have zoned out on the rest. He said he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings or ignore or dismiss me, it was just that too much talk about it seemed to have gotten him to check out mentally.
      I found that super interesting. So I said would picture examples have been helpful. He said yeah, that’d probably have stuck better than my “verbal rambling, (no offence).” I ramble about jewelry? Dang.
      So there you have it, my research, on the ground with a real subject. I’m putting together my Pinterest page right now!
      Sometimes those hints have to be carefully thought out so they aren’t too subtle and they stick.
      Being obvious may be needed.
      You deserve nice things. You are right.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  41. My boyfriend and crush in high school moved from Bellevue Wa 02/2014, to where i live. There was lots of words with no back up, and he was always trying to give me jewelry that he said had been found in the hotel he did/had worked in…then one day i found a box of womens jewelry, including a wedding set. I was careful not to accept anything offered. Last Christmas 2014/15 my boyfriend walked out on me Christmas Eve…he said it was because of an argument, the argument was over that fact that he had made hotel arrangements for three days…medical trauma happened that January and again in December, both required hospitalization…September he had gone to the grocery store to get groceries and came home with a gift which he placed in my hand..” this is for you”, it was a sapphire necklace…the gift made me very nervous…something told me not to wear it….i did try to put it on but i couldn’t. During December the necklace disappeared. When he walked out January3, 2016….i found out that he had been seeing someone else…the necklace i never did find…i however did post it on FB…but it was seen on another person…never did understand any of this.

    • Hello Jule,
      It looks like you dodged a very dodgy bullet there. Well done for having the instincts to be aware that something was wrong. You certainly have a most intriguing tale of jewelry gifting and un-gifting. It is my sincere hope that the next man to give you jewelry truly treasures you and carefully selects his jewelry gift, buys it legitimately and gives it to you as an unconditional not to be repossessed gift.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  42. What would you say if I told you my boyfriend says he “doesn’t believe in jewelry”? What the heck does that even mean??

    • Dear Maranda,
      Sadly I believe this is a man who hasn’t seen examples in his life of his dad giving his mom a piece of jewelry and seeing how she cherishes it. I had a boyfriend when I was in High School named Jared. It was at a time of my life when I was feeling the power of my emotions and I believed if I gave enough love it would solve problems. He was cute in a tragic way, I think I thought I could fix him. It was slow going, my cheerfulness wasn’t getting through to him. My pointing out when he did something smart or right or cool got the brush off. He finally said he didn’t believe in love. As a hopeless romantic I found this statement just jammed sideways in my head and my heart and knocked me off my certainty and cheerful outlook on life. Being the bulldog of curiosity I plagued him with questions about this. Which ultimately led to him finding a more depressive, less talkative and curious girlfriend. (I was better off without him).
      Before he dumped me he told me about how in his house his parents didn’t love each other and they didn’t love him or his two sisters. No one touched or hugged, no one said, “I love you.” And he just hung out till they kicked him out which could be any day.
      His life sounded so hopeless and awful and sad and of course I wanted to fix it. I felt like I understood why he didn’t believe in love. But he’s the weird thing, I went to his house one time looking for him, which totally pissed him off by the way, his mom invited me in and his sisters were there. Here’s the thing they were really nice and they seemed to respect each other and tease each other and smile and look at each other. This wasn’t the psychological cesspool I had expected.
      I do not know where he got this I don’t believe in love thing. And I don’t know where your fella gets his I don’t believe in jewelry thing. In fact I am feeling super unhelpful at this moment. Now you know about one of the inscrutable incidents in my life and my attempt to plumb the depths of human nature and find an answer.
      Maybe ask him and have a convo about it and let him know what you believe. Even let him know that your feelings are different and what you’d like.
      I wish you luck my jewelry loving friend.
      Calla Gold

  43. Hello interesting article thank you. You have probably seen it all so would love to hear your thoughts. Currently in divorce process. Married 17 years dated 7 before. I was an idiot in love but knew he was for himself always. Husband never liked buying jewellery and tried to convince me it was a waste of money. He did buy me a diamond engagement ring. He had shown me the ring while shopping one day and i said i didn’t like it and showed him the style i did like. Months later he gave me the one i didn’t like anyhow and it was set crooked. i stopped wearing it eventually. When i looked at it i thought of how he didn’t listen when i said i didn’t like the style. And that he didn’t want it to be perfect for me and gave it to me with a flaw. He never got it or seemed to care or listen to what i liked. Instead he felt i was spoiled But he was very specific with his likes and had standards as to what I should buy him. But i shouldn’t? He spent major credit on himself for big boy toys which were temporary but refused to get me an anniversary ring or just change my setting. Jewellery is not just jewellery…it signifies a lot more. That is if it has any value to the receiver.

    • Hello ToBe,
      Your story is very interesting. It sounds like the years have shown you your soon-to-be ex’s hypocritical behavior about personal gifts. I understand how you were so in love and it’d take a while for his patterns to emerge. It sounds like he wanted to be the smartest guy in the room and “know best” about what you should have. That kind of patronizing and evaluative attitude creates a barrier between what you want and what he decides you should have.
      Unfortunately for him and his next female companion he will still be him, he’ll still not be the loving and giving man you’d hoped he’d be.
      Loving someone includes helping them with projects maybe you think are dumb. And giving them things that make them happy which you may think could be better thought out.
      I bought a vanity years ago when my boyfriend, now husband were first living together. It was at a yard sale that he didn’t want to stop at. It was in need of re-vanishing, but it had lovely bones. He said, “no way, no how.” So I paid for it with my own money and arranged to pick it up the next day. He said, “no I won’t help you pick up that thing.” So I called a friend with a pick-up truck and we drove to the house. The owner was in the process of moving and said he’d leave it in the garage and the side yard would be open so I could access the garage. Well of course it was locked up tight. I called my BF and he said, “you’re out of luck.” I was so steamed because he seemed pleased that I might not get this vanity.
      In the middle of this posh neighborhood in my short dress I ungracefully climbed the fence and accessed the garage and freed my funky looking vanity from it’s dark garage.
      Fast forward to me sanding then varnishing it. Did I mention I’d never done this before? So I nailed the sanding, but kind of failed on varnishing. After hours of work I just started crying. This was before the internet would just tell me how to do it.
      Jeremy came out and was worried that I was crying, he’d never seen me do that.
      He was such a champ. He told me how the varnish was on too thick and we had to let it dry and re-sand it and put it on thinly.
      When I came home from work the next day he’d bought a finer brush, sanded it all and was finishing a thin layer of varnish. It looked so much better and was a really pretty piece of furniture. While it still stunk to high heaven he hauled in into the house and it looked so great. This time I cried because he’d been so kind and understanding and because our first fight was over. Since then he’s way cooler about things I care about that he doesn’t get.
      I’m picturing a different outcome with your ex-fella. And I’m sorry you didn’t get the support and loving gestures you deserve.
      Thank you for sharing your story. I figured I’d share one back.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

      • My girlfriend goaded and shamed me into buy her roughly 1500 in jewelry before Christmas. She said she would be happy if she didn’t have to resort to wearing jewelry from her exes. She has a large chest of diamond booty on her dresser… since Christmas she has worn my investment once and is now collecting dust in her hoard pile.

        Should I buy her more?? Really?

        • Dear Chris,
          Hmmmm. Did you consult her on her preferences before you sunk your $1500.00 on her jewelry gift? I’m bothered that you were shamed into buying her jewelry, because it should be bought and given in love.
          You are showing me perhaps another side of why men don’t buy women jewelry. I’d talk to her about it. Find out if it is not what she likes best.
          I wish you luck on this. I still believe that it’s a wonderful thing for a man to buy his lady love jewelry.
          Your Personal Jeweler,

  44. Plain and simple, if he’s not willing to go the extra mile and buy you something that you really want then it means he doesn’t love you as much as he says/you think he does.

    I mean think about it logically – when we love someone deeply versus when we settle and call it love. When you love someone with all your heart and soul you WANT to impress them, you LIVE to impress them. You’ll go the extra mile to find out what they are truly interested in, ask friends, find out background information, do a bit of snooping so that they can get it right to gain brownie points in your books.

    The myth that men don’t really pay attention to facts and constantly need to be told stuff is complete and utter BS, when they WANT to listen believe me they do. Ever notice how some man will completely ignore what his wife says but then switches himself on if he wants to impress some other stunning woman in the room? Meaning that he has the ability to sit up and pay attention when needed.

    So the problem actually lies with us, if he’s always ignoring your requests then you need to question why your opinion means so little to him. The truth is horrible and we rarely want to hear it but it is still the truth at the end of the day. If it’s genuinely because he doesn’t love you then you need to question your entire relationship and what the next step is as opposed to questioning why he won’t buy you jewellery.

    If he used to buy you jewellery but no longer does then question the motives behind it. A lot of times it could be because all the stuff he has previously bought for you was either never worn or never appreciated and we all know how men are when it comes to gratitude and feeling as if they have done something right.
    Alternatively it could be the way you’ve changed as a wife that has forced him to change the way he treats you. Sorry to sound as if I’m entirely putting all the blame on the woman but my motto in life is that if you want to be satisfied by a man find a way to GET him to satisfy you!
    Too many women just sit and accept it, in the hopes that some day – maybe just some day – he might wake up, realise that he loves his wife and suddenly decides to lavish her with gifts. But the sad reality is that if you wait for that day you usually end up waiting forever but then in some other relationship there is a woman who is getting EVERYTHING she wants from her man and other women are trying to figure out how she does it.

    Fact is there’s more than one way to skin a cat and it’s YOU who has to do the skinning. In other words if YOU want jewellery bought for you then you have to turn yourself into the type of women that he will WANT to buy jewellery for.
    Do things to make him WANT to impress you and WANT to keep you satisfied, don’t ever just settle for good enough because that just means that you are ‘good enough’ as opposed to someone he ‘wanted’…

    -Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what you deserve. And don’t ever settle for less…!

    • Wow Carlie,
      You have brought an entirely different direction in comments here. I immediately think about how I can become super busy in my life and spot myself taking my marriage and my husband for granted. When I spot that, I think about how I can do something nice for him so he knows I appreciate him. It feels so good to do that and make him smile.
      I’ve known a number of men who weren’t givers and generous from the beginning of their relationship and it goes downhill from there. They are the hardest ones in the category of men who don’t give jewelry to women.
      They feel you “know” they love you, because they told you in the past.
      I have dealt with some of them as a jeweler when their wives said it hurt their feelings and they felt taken for granted. I had to really explain about how I as a woman need to be held, told I’m loved and feel cherished now and then. One of the men was like, “dang that’s a lot of work. I’d never leave her, she’s my wife and mother of my children.”
      I said, “that doesn’t pass the ‘I love you’ test from my perspective. It sounds like she’s an appliance.”
      “Well it is handy not having to cook.”
      “Yeah, you wouldn’t want to express it that way.”
      “So I get her a ring or something?”
      “Give her a piece of jewelry she will like, that is nice.”
      He did and she did and he has started showing her his regard now and then which is a huge improvement.
      You reminded me of this particular man. Nice capable guy, but pretty buttoned up and ‘I am a rock’ kind of guy.
      I appreciated your viewpoint here.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  45. My wonderful husband has bought me all my jewellery collection from shop in China ahah I am very lucky that I got wonderful life and wonderful marriage and wonderful son

    • Hello Ann,
      What a lovely husband you have. Congratulations. Give your son a hug and your wonderful husband a kiss.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  46. If he’s not buying you jewellery, then the easiest solution is to go and buy it for yourself. Of course it helps if you are financially independent of him. The best thing a woman can do is not lose sight of who she is and what gives her joy and do those joyful things for herself and if it happens to be jewellery then go for it!

    • Hello Jelena,
      Thank you for that. Now that more and more women are independent financially that is an option. I personally like to occasionally receive a loving jewelry gift from my sweetie.
      Then when I wear it, I feel loved.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

      • Dear Calla,

        Don’t get me wrong, I agree that it communicates thoughtfulness, love and attention to receive jewellery (if that’s what you want), but it’s too big a stretch for some. So I just buy/plan my own now and he’s fine with it, and even admires it. I am in the process of figuring out what my next piece will be. I will be getting it custom made. Unfortunately you are on the other side of the world so I will be going to a local designer/jeweller when I am ready.

        I do want to say that I adore your blog. I have learned so much from it. Thank you ☺

  47. I don’t buy her jewelry anymore because what I purchased her as a gift she took back to the store and returned it for something else.

    This has happened across multiple girlfriends – bracelets, necklaces, earings, etc.
    Doesn’t matter.

    I think a woman should wear whatever she likes. Her prerogative.
    But it’s instructive for men today to observe just how incapable so many women are of stepping outside of themselves for a moment, and asking how would they feel to have their gift “traded in” for something better.
    It’s a microcosm of female hypergamy. She always doubts. There has to be something better.
    So yes, I think this is exactly the kind of attitude and ingratitude that is pervasive among modern women today anyway – girlfriends and wives, and it puts a lot of men off.
    This also explains why bridal jewelry and the bridal business is cratering by the way.

    • Hi M. Gorde,
      It sounds like you have been deeply hurt by a number of women. I didn’t write this to make us women look like a bunch of grasping people. I just feel that jewelry is personal and makes a wonderful gift. And many women have told me how much it’d mean to receive a personal jewelry gift that would remind them of the love of their life.
      I’ve been a one man woman for 38 years and I love the jewelry gifts from my sweetie.
      For the record the bridal jewelry business is on the rise and stats for retail in general are quite robust.
      I didn’t know what hypergamy was. I thought it had to do with video games. So I looked it up – the action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class. Who knew.
      I hope that the next time you fall in love, she’s a loving and true woman. If she is I hope you’ll get her a little jewelry something to cherish.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  48. why should a man have to give his wife jewelry every year? showing his love? my wife is a stay at home mom. I’d rather her be at work. our children are older. one child is already in college and the other is graduating this year. she keeps saying our daughter needs her constantly. lol really? she’s never home. she’s at school functions. out with her boyfriend or friends. even my own daughter calls her lazy. she hates to do laundry, cook etc. she wants me to get a maid. I dont make tons of money. in fact we barely make it now with one income. I ask her to go to work and she says no. I bought her a diamond ring on our 20th anniversary. that set me back almost $6000. she said it wasn’t big enough and her friend has one bigger. so this year she keeps annoying me by asking why I haven’t bought her more jewelry. at this point with all her complaining she doesn’t deserve it. what about me? I haven’t bought myself anything in years. I still wear old worn out shoes to work everyday while she’s out shopping at the mall buying expensive shoes and purses she doesn’t need and hardly uses.

    so no I dont buy my wife jewelry but yes I do love her dearly and I tell her often. I write her love notes. I try to take us out for romantic weekends. its not enough for her. nothing is.

    • Hi Jeff,
      Clearly you are not the kind of guy that doesn’t buy his wife jewelry. Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like counselling might be a nice way to get heard and discuss the issues that could make things rocky once all the kids are out of college and launched in life.
      It sounds like you are thoughtful and romantic and love your wife. I wish you the best of luck and a long and happy future in your marriage.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  49. I quit buying my girlfriend jewelry. I bought her two pairs of very nice expensive earrings and a necklace, all on three separate occasions. They all look different. She has never once worn any of them, not even once to be nice. Weird thing is I tried my best and spent a lot of time picking out something I thought she might like by listening to her and notice things she’s liked. I even had female friends help me pick them out without her knowing. I failed all three times and wasted a little over 1k. She never once worn any of them, not even to be nice or on special occasion. I’ve since noticed she prefers to wear cheap Walmart or Target earrings that turn her ears black and fall off easily that she loses often. I finally realized I was wasting my time and money.

    • Hi Mark,
      Huh, that is a new one to me.
      I give you a blue ribbon for effort. Your girlfriend? I don’t know what to say. She is in the minority compared to my clientele.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

  50. I’m married 27 years. My husband inherited the engagement ring he gave me. I hated it from the moment he placed it on my finger. I had the diamond reset. My wedding band, our bands, I paid for. Every pitiful jewelry gift my husband has bought me (4 in our marriage) have all looked like something his (late) elderly mother would have picked out. Or they were so not my style I wondered if he found them and gifted them to me. It thoroughly confounds me that (many) men are so inept at finding jewelry that coordinates with their partners persona.
    How is it they are so bloody clueless?! Its not unlike knowing your partners preference in food. My hubby is vegan. I would never give him a gift card to a steakhouse regardless how fine! Same with jewelry. I have gently informed him of my style/likes/dislikes etc but regardless the gift giving event he fails miserably.
    At some point my wedding set was stolen by a contractor’s employee painting in our home. I discovered this many weeks later. My husband has many fine qualities BUT I admit in my heart I cry inside when I see a magnificent engagement ring on another woman’s finger. I wonder if her man picked it out himself or she had to give him an ultimatum! I just adore fine solitaire engagement rings and my husband knows this. He simply will not take me out and allow me to choose something that will make my heart soar.
    I have sensed when he sees me delight with joy looking at jewelry he resents every cell in my body. With men, if it isn’t important to them it won’t be important for you. So, 27 years on I have decided to stop wearing the cheap replacement wedding band I’ve been wearing. If I’m not worth platinum and diamond well then he isn’t worth my public acknowledgement of him. For me it matters. I have been his greatest support, compassionate patient loyal partner. I’m worth far more than what a diamond solitaire mounted in a simple platinum band would cost him.

    • Dear Seven,
      Thank you for sharing your story.
      It makes my heart ache to read this. It sounds like your husband has attitude about jewelry and probably gift giving in general. Possibly he doesn’t mind pissing you off about this because of some weird idea that he may not even understand. I love that you have been supportive of him and loyal. You might need to choose and buy your own wedding jewelry. Sadly, but true.
      More than one of my clients have done that.
      After all the years they decided they deserved better than what they had and were workers and saved their money and did this for themselves. I think we women value a beautiful jewelry symbol more than some men.
      Your Personal Jeweler,

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